While I never would have used the particular word, bitterness was a part of the initial ball of emotions surrounding the loss of Avery and Sophie. It wasn’t easily separated from the hurt, anger, and disappointment … and at the time I think I would have denied its presence, but looking back, I know it was there.
Several experiences recently have highlighted for me just how present bitterness can be after a loss … but have also highlighted just how necessary it is to let it go in order to continue the healing process.
It can be hard, because bitterness (like anger) is easier to wield than hurt and pain, but eventually it needs to be released. Because without release, it just grows until everything good about your baby/babies is completely eclipsed by it.
And I know that is the last thing that a baby-loss mama wants – to have her child only associated with the bitterness she holds.
I wish I had a tidy wrap up to this post, some profound solution to dealing with the bitterness that is bound to at least rear its head at some point. But I don’t … just rambling thoughts and observations today.
Rebuilding Myself 
erika said
i so hear you! i find that now (2 years 4 months later)- i find that i am able to have a little bit of distance from my bitterness- i am aware it’s there, but i don’t go down into that all-consuming pit of grief, despair, anger, and bitterness like i used to. i still cry (i did today), and i still miss them- and i still always think about what might have been…but i try not to let anger or jealousy consume me. it’s a daily battle for me still- but one that is getting easier with time. (((hugs)))
xoxo,
erika
Sally said
Bitterness is something that, try as I might, I just can’t shake. I know it doesn’t help me and that it isn’t productive to my healing in any way, but I don’t know how to get past it. It isn’t pretty, but it is what it is.
xo
Carly said
I know it has been forever since I stopped in here but I wanted to tell you that your sweet daughters have been on my heart lately 🙂
Wishing you lots of love and peace xxx
Carly x
Christy said
I know you’re not posting here anymore, but you crossed my mind today and I just wondered how you are. Thinking of you and all your sweet babies.
xoxo
Sally said
Thanks for your comment on my blog – nice to hear from you! Would love to email you, but I don’t have an address.
Feel free to drop me a line.
Sally
xo