Archive for November, 2010

Leaving Bitterness Behind

While I never would have used the particular word, bitterness was a part of the initial ball of emotions surrounding the loss of Avery and Sophie.  It wasn’t easily separated from the hurt, anger, and disappointment … and at the time I think I would have denied its presence, but looking back, I know it was there.

Several experiences recently have highlighted for me just how present bitterness can be after a loss … but have also highlighted just how necessary it is to let it go in order to continue the healing process.

It can be hard, because bitterness (like anger) is easier to wield than hurt and pain, but eventually it needs to be released.  Because without release, it just grows until everything good about your baby/babies is completely eclipsed by it. 

And I know that is the last thing that a baby-loss mama wants – to have her child only associated with the bitterness she holds.

I wish I had a tidy wrap up to this post, some profound solution to dealing with the bitterness that is bound to at least rear its head at some point.  But I don’t …  just rambling thoughts and observations today.

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3 Years Ago

Hard to believe that 3 years have passed.  Remembering through the night and into the morning, it seems hard to believe that the time has disappeared so fast.

Happy Birthday my sweet baby girls.  How I wish we could help you celebrate your 3rd birthday on earth instead of your third in heaven.

We still miss you every day.  Love Momma, Daddy, and your baby brother Kai.

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My Son

There was someone fairly famous here in town today.  Not usually one for this sort of thing, I trekked out with the masses hoping to get an autograph, because honestly, he tops the list of people I would most like to meet.

As I handed him my item to sign, I found myself getting choked up a little.  Not because I shook hands with someone famous, but because I got to hand him a tiny NHL jersey and tell him I was getting it signed for my son.

Man, it felt good to be able to say that.

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