Archive for October, 2009

As Requested …

A few pictures to go with the last post 🙂

Chubby Monkey at 1 Month Old

Chubby Monkey at 1 Month Old

Showing Off A New Talent - Smiling

Showing Off A New Talent - Smiling


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One Month

Dear Kai,

Well little man, it’s hard to believe but as of yesterday, you have been here for one whole month. It seems like just yesterday that I was waddling around with you still kicking away inside my belly. That said, I can’t imagine life without you – you truly are a delightful little boy.

As much as I didn’t think we would, your dad and I still call you Monkey … or any number of variations. Soon we will have to start using your name, lest you go to kindergarten introducing yourself as “Monkesaurus Rex”. That wouldn’t do!

In the past month you have accomplished a lot. You have moved from feeding mostly every 2 hours to every 3 (a vast improvement in mommy’s books), you lift your head regularly, follow objects for short periods of time, and the best one … you have started to smile. Even exhausted in the wee hours of the morning, your smiles completely melt me.

Your favorite activity by far is still eating, evidenced by the outstanding cheeks and double chin you are now sporting. It won’t be long before we start packing away all your newborn outfits and moving you from your basket to your crib.

Your dad and I continue to be amazed at what we have been given in you. I know I stare in wonder at your little body while you sleep … I am so thankful for you.  Each day really is a gift … even on the days where the gift is wrapped in spit up, poopy diapers, and ear-splitting screams.

Happy One Month Birthday little man.

Love your mom.

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The Difference

Walking into our local coffee shop yesterday, I ended up in a conversation with the woman behind the counter.  She was excited to hear about Kai’s birth and remarked on the fact that I “didn’t even look like I had been pregnant”.  She followed up with “but I guess that happens with your first.”

I walked away pondering her statements.  First and foremost, I wanted to mention that no, he isn’t my first.  But I didn’t.  It wouldn’t have fit, and it was besides the point.  But it still stung a little.  As much as I am thrilled with my son, he has two sisters who aren’t here.  And with November just around the corner, they are heavy on my heart. 

On the other hand, there was a part of me that was proud … three children in and my body is still bouncing back.  How different that feeling was than two years ago, when I hated my body for betraying me by looking the “same as before” within weeks.

I find it strange to balance so much joy with the remnants of the pain of loss.  Please don’t misunderstand, we are loving having Kai here … enjoying all the moments, it is just different from what I thought bringing home a baby would be.

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A Years Time

This past weekend was Thanksgiving here in Canada.  As I reflected over the weekend, it was impossible not to think back to a year ago.  Thanksgiving 2008 was a tough one for us.  Still recovering from my D&C from our second loss, DH and I were reeling over what should have been our first Thanksgiving with Avery and Sophie.  Although I knew there was still much to be thankful for, the holiday was difficult to make it through.

This year I found myself staring into the most beautiful brown eyes, heart filled with gratefulness over the gift we have been given in Kai.  But even still, the “what could have been’s” sneak in.  I hear the whispers in the back of my mind – “Would they have looked like him?”, “Would either have been as mellow as my baby boy?”

They are questions that will never have answers, but ones that will never be completely quieted none the less.  So instead, I ponder them while kissing Kai’s soft little head, missing the two that aren’t here, but so thankful for the one who is.

BabyKai 059

BabyKai 134

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One Week In …

And so incredibly in love.  Kai, you were so worth everything we had to go through to get to you …



We are still definitely in recovery mode over here.  Lots of thoughts to share once I can sit at the computer for any length of time.  In the meantime, a few pictures of the one stealing all my time will have to do …

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