Archive for August, 2009

Shifting

36 weeks along … meaning we can deliver here in town

DH will be arriving home anytime now from his last trip away … no more holding my breath

Last ultrasound revealed Monkey is heads down and weighing over 6 pounds … s/he’s ready to go

No one would be panicked if I went into labour today, no one would try to stop it.  We no longer have to fight to keep Monkey in and safe.  New, uncharted territory.  Unknown ground, but such a relief.

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Redeeming the Fall

While setting up an appointment yesterday, I was shocked to find myself writing down a September date.  I can’t believe it is almost here.  September … Monkey’s month … the Fall.

The fall of 2007 was an exciting one.  Finally feeling better, we had just announced our pregnancy to the world.  We were on top of the world, right up until November 12th.  Losing Avery and Sophie rocked our world completely … I didn’t think Fall would ever be the same.

Fall of 2008.  Again just about out of a new first trimester.  Heading in for a 9 week ultrasound on September 12, we were skeptically hopeful for good news.  A new pregnancy was just what we needed before heading into the month before the first anniversary of the twins’ birth.  The ultrasound was devastating.  No heart beat, no little life to nurture and love.  One week later and nothing was left of the pregnancy but crushed hope.  Fall 2008 was dark.

I think justifiably so, the thought of turning the calendar to September causes me a bit of anxiety … two falls in a row have started out so hopeful, only to have the hope taken away. 

I find myself praying with everything in me that this is the year – 2009 – that we finally get to redeem the Fall.

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The Room Where The Baby Should Go

These days the comment “You must be so excited” is almost as common as comments on my ever-expanding girth.  While I always answer with the expected “Of course” – I find myself guiltily realizing it isn’t entirely true.  Not that I don’t want it to be … the thought of actually holding a baby in my arms is thrilling.

It’s just that it doesn’t feel real yet.  We still talk about the baby in the “one day” sense of the world.  The other night DH and I realized we have talked through pretty much no logistics for when this baby comes home … other than to submit for our leaves from work. It just still doesn’t feel like we are 5-7 weeks away from it being our reality.

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The nursery is near complete, but like everything else, it feels surreal.  I am embarrassed to show it off – I still think that people will wonder why on earth we have a completed nursery in our house.  To me, it is the Room Where The Baby Should Go … it feels like we are preparing for that elusive one day.

Somehow I suspect that on Monkey’s birthday, as we hold this baby in our arms, that DH and I will look at each other not only with joy and awe, but also with a good deal of shock.  Walking out of the hospital with a live baby is something neither of us can yet fathom.

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42 Left and Counting

029It’s hard to believe that there are only 42 days left until Monkey’s due date.

On one hand, I find myself anxiously counting down … wanting desperately for the care of this little one to be something others are a part of.  Since the twins, I never have really trusted my body to do it’s job.

On the other hand, I can’t believe that we are only 6 weeks away.  It felt strange to be at a pre-natal class … despite the fact that we are cutting it ridiculously close (finishing only 1/2 week before our due date).

It is bizarre to think that there may actually be a small, wiggly bundle of baby at the end of this journey.  It still seems like something will take that away … it is still so hard to believe that truly, this time this journey may end with joy.

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Things Not to Say …

… to the pregnant lady you saw in WalMart this evening.

5) Wow, how are you still managing … your belly is huge!  <Awkward pause as I stare> … Umm … really beautiful, but just big.  You know … <trails off and walks away>

4) This must be your first.  You just have that innocent, naive look to you. (inner thoughts were running wild on this one … I managed to contain them all)

3) Oh honey … you must be so hot.  At least your due date is coming soon. <awkward moment> … Right?  Ummm … maybe not.  Myself: 7 1/2 weeks to go.  Lady: Wow. <walks away>

2) When I mention my September 21st due date, “That’s awful!!! You have to still make it through the whole summer.  I am so sorry … I remember being pregnant through the summer, it was the WORST THING EVER.”  (Really lady? The worst thing ever?  I doubt it … and as a note, I can’t change my due date now, kind of in it for the long haul … maybe support would have been a better option)

And the number #1 choice from the evening …

1) When are you due? <I mention September 21st>  Oh my, that’s amazing … I would have guessed in a couple weeks by the size of your stomach.  Almost 8 weeks?  Are they sure?  Is it twins?  I just can’t believe how big your belly is. <awkward pause>  But it is lovely … and you are so thin, thin people always look bigger pregnant.

No lie, all those comments were tonight.  While part of me wanted to go crazy Ninja on them all, I just smiled and allowed myself to ponder the blog post I would write.  Really, much more productive that way 🙂

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