I never wanted to be that woman … the one whose journey I followed daily until she abandoned her blog shortly after her rainbow baby was born. “Don’t Go”, I wanted to yell – I need to know it will be okay. I want to know what it is like on the other side.
But I find myself there. Slowly my blog is dying. I just have less to say these days. This blog was my grief blog, my safe space to talk about the girls. Yet somehow, as Monkey grows, I feel better incorporating them completely into my life. I include them in conversation more, I speak their names out loud, I share my grief with others. I think it is that I am finally strong enough to weather the blank stares, awkward pauses, and incorrect words as people stumble through what to do and say.
And so, I find this space becoming increasingly neglected. I still follow each of your blogs … I love hearing everyones’ words and stories. But I find mine lacking.
I have kept pushing off the inevitable, thinking maybe it was just for a short time. But it isn’t. And so, I am walking away from this space. I don’t know that I will be gone forever … in fact, I anticipate there will be times where I will return. But they will be few and far between.
Thank you so much for following me on my journey, for cheering me on, for holding onto my hope when I didn’t have the strength. I will continue to follow you … and one day, I may return to this space.
But for now, I am going offline for awhile. Me and my little brown-eyed man have some serious playing to do.