When I Look At Him, I See Them

For some reason, when I think of Avery and Sophie, I never have pictured them as babies.  In my mind, they have always been sturdy little toddlers – brown eyes, curly hair … running around getting into mischief.  I don’t know why, but right from the start, this is the picture I have of them.

I don’t know where the time has gone, but Kai is now all of these things.  Somehow in the last months, his babyhood has slipped away … he is a full-blown toddler these days.  Sturdy, with brown eyes and curly hair, he is into mischief all the time.

It’s a bit bizarre that he brings to life the images I have in my head of them.  It is so bittersweet.  In many ways, I feel like I get to experience a little of what I lost … but it others, it brings to life exactly what all we will never have.

It just reinforces the fact that grief never disappears … it simply morphs into different forms.



  1. dreceophus said

    No, it doesn’t disappear. I drove by a local organization (Ele’s House) which is devoted to helping children through the grief of losing loved ones. The sign outside had been changed to read: “There is no expiration date on grief.” It made me think of every momma in this corner of the blogosphere. Just snuggle him enough for three sturdy toddlers.

  2. Jamie said

    I have a good friend who has a son two months younger than Skeeter and an older son that was born a week before the due date of my first. It is hard ~not~ to think of what could have been even though I enjoy ‘what it’ so very much.

  3. Sally said

    So very true. Yet I only ever see Hope as a baby. I struggle to picture her as anything else. I think because I have a large picture of her in my lounge room, and this is all I ever saw her as, I just can’t move past that image of my little newborn baby. Thinking of her as a two year old now? I come up blank nearly every time.

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