Conflicted

On Friday, I spent a lot of time thinking about the twins.  I thought about all those I know who have lost babes.  I wished that none of us knew about the date.

But I also spent a lot of time thinking about this little man.  And squishing him, and playing with him, and listening to his little giggles … and invariable, forgetting to post what was on my mind.

And I found it strange that even a year later I still struggle to figure out how these two parts of me work together – how they weave together to make me me.  Some days I think I have it mastered pretty well.  Others, like Friday, I realize that I probably never will. 

So while nothing got posted on Friday itself (despite my best intentions), please know you were all thought of and remembered …

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2 Comments »

  1. Sally said

    I do this all the time. Lie in bed and think of a post, then never get around to writing it. The thoughts always swirl around, but they don’t always make it out.
    I think of you and the twins often, too.
    And Kai is gorgeous as ever.
    xo

  2. Jamie said

    Conflicted – it is a good word. Crazy to think I’m a mommy now when I still identify so closely with the baby loss world.

    Beautiful boy!

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