For Them

Within months of losing Avery and Sophie, I knew I wanted to get a tattoo in their memory.  With the very fragile state I was in however, I decided to put it off until I knew what, where … and knew both for quite a while.

And finally, this fall – just shy of their third birthday – I was able to get it done.  And it is absolutely perfect.

On my inner ankle (somehow it felt the right mix of public/private/vulnerable/and not), I wanted something that was very much “them” without being blatantly babyloss.  I wanted to allow myself to be able to avoid that conversation if needed – while not as common now, there are still times I just feel too fragile to talk about my girls without knowing what the reaction will be.

The butterflies, like for so many other baby loss mommas, remind me of my girls – they are each unique to represent the uniqueness of the girls, despite their identical genes. 

The swirl is what connects the two – showing that although two beings, they were intricately and completely connected.  If you look close, the swirls include an “S” and an “A”, each associated with one butterfly.

And I honestly can’t even express how “right” it feels to have it done.  People have asked if I am shocked to see it there – and the answer is no.  It just is right, the way it is supposed to be.  My girls aren’t here, but they left a permanent mark on my life … it only feels right that there is a physical, tangible mark that represents that. And somehow, it feels like I now get to carry a little piece of them with me, wherever I go – as long as I am on this earth.

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5 Comments »

  1. erika said

    soooo beautiful!!! i love it!!! butterflies are my symbol for my girls, too- i have been raising monarchs and find so much comfort in setting them free (even though it is hard). your tattoo is beautiful, and i am so glad you waited to get it- it is perfect…just like your girls!

  2. Amanda said

    I got a tattoo for my boys in much the same spot (outer ankle) and for much the same reasons. I wanted it out there where people could see it and ask about it, but somewhere I could hide it when needed. It was important for me to have something that could spark conversation about them, so I could tell them about my sons, remind myself and others that they were here, they were real. Maybe because I had boys, I chose two baby blocks with the initials N and S for Nate and Sam. I didn’t design it, the artist did and it just felt right. That was two years ago and I haven’t regretted my tattoo for an instant!

    Your choice of design is beautiful. Feminine, delicate and precious, just like your girls.

  3. wopchr said

    I really love it! I have been thinking about this for a long time, and still just can’t decide what I want for a design. Yours is absolutely beautiful and I’m glad you described what each thing means-love it.

  4. Jamie said

    I love it! And more importantly, I’m glad you are so happy with how it turned out. Sometimes it is so hard to take the love in your heart and translate it into something tangible. It is perfect.

  5. Sally said

    Perfect. Beautiful.
    xo

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