Within months of losing Avery and Sophie, I knew I wanted to get a tattoo in their memory. With the very fragile state I was in however, I decided to put it off until I knew what, where … and knew both for quite a while.
And finally, this fall – just shy of their third birthday – I was able to get it done. And it is absolutely perfect.
On my inner ankle (somehow it felt the right mix of public/private/vulnerable/and not), I wanted something that was very much “them” without being blatantly babyloss. I wanted to allow myself to be able to avoid that conversation if needed – while not as common now, there are still times I just feel too fragile to talk about my girls without knowing what the reaction will be.
The butterflies, like for so many other baby loss mommas, remind me of my girls – they are each unique to represent the uniqueness of the girls, despite their identical genes.
The swirl is what connects the two – showing that although two beings, they were intricately and completely connected. If you look close, the swirls include an “S” and an “A”, each associated with one butterfly.
And I honestly can’t even express how “right” it feels to have it done. People have asked if I am shocked to see it there – and the answer is no. It just is right, the way it is supposed to be. My girls aren’t here, but they left a permanent mark on my life … it only feels right that there is a physical, tangible mark that represents that. And somehow, it feels like I now get to carry a little piece of them with me, wherever I go – as long as I am on this earth.