It’s Beginning To Look A Lot Like …

Christmas … at least it is outside.  After a very mild fall, Winter arrived with a vengeance … strangely enough on December 1st.

See?

It’s absolutely stunning out … and it has me thinking about Christmas.  This year will be so much different than the last two years, it is hard to find the words to describe it.

Strangely enough, the inside of our home is starkly different as well.  Due to an extended trip to see family the last half of the month, we made the decision not to decorate our house, it just doesn’t make sense.  For the first time, there are no decorations inside my front door, no wonderful smelling tree, no lights twinkling at night.

The last two Christmases these things have been very important to me.  I felt like I was drowning in grief, and somehow the “stuff” of Christmas was what held me together … even though I KNOW that isn’t what the season is about, it was just what I needed to keep going.

This year there is nothing, and you know what?  I am okay with it.  Last Christmas I remember placing remembrance ornaments on our tree for the girls and hanging up two stockings.  As I sat there, my one wish was that there would be a little person filling up our lives by the next Christmas …

And there is … and somehow the season again fills full.  At least for us.  But each day since December 1st, I have felt extreme sadness as I think of all the people out there for whom this is still an incredibly painful time … I wish somehow I could bottle just a little of my happiness and send it their way. 

Somehow I wish I could send them just a little bit of him …

PS – although I still read so many blogs, blogger has apparently cut me off from using this account to comment.  I am trying to figure out what is wrong, but in the meantime, I am still reading and thinking about all of you … just unable to actually leave a message for anyone that doesn’t allow an annonymous feature.

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2 Comments »

  1. Jamie said

    Yes – Christmas does feel very different this year.

    He is such a sweet boy. Save up your energy this year, every Christmas from here on out will be non-stop fun!

  2. jan said

    He is such a beautiful baby!

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