Bringing It All Back

After towelling myself dry, I leaned down to pull out my lotion.  Discovering my favorite one empty, I reached back just a little further … pulling out the first one I could grab.  Because honestly, this pregnant body wasn’t going to reach the back of the cabinet.

Looking at what I grabbed, I was taken back in time.  It was the lotion that I used while pregnant with the girls.  I loved it.  After losing them, I put it away … and really haven’t pulled it out since.  Without too much though, I decided I would use it anyways. 

Honestly, the memories surprised me in their intensity.  The smell took me back in a way nothing else can these days … memories of our ultrasound, of my last trip with them in my belly, memories of the day they died.

As most memories of the girls are, these were bittersweet.  Wonderful to remember them, still so hard to know they could have been here.  I left the lotion on for the day, but that evening wrapped up the bottle and put it in their memory box.  It makes me feel better to know that whenever they feel far away, a simple smell can bring it all back …



  1. Oh wow. Isn’t it interesting what can transport us? I think that my favorite part of this post is the end. I love that you wrapped the bottle up and put it in their memory box. I’m not sure I would have thought to do that. But imagine how much comfort it might provide you one day. Bittersweet, yes, but hopefully still a little “sweet.”

    I’ve started saying that I don’t expect to smile all the time; I’m still going to cry. The key, for me, is to smile *with* the tears. Bittersweet.

  2. culp1 said

    I still have the lotion that I used with Ellie in the bathroom. I don’t use it – but I can’t get rid of it either.

  3. Christy W said

    I agree with Bluebird-I think it’s so amazing that you thought to put it in the girls’ memory box. I’m so glad you can find a small amount of comfort in something that is so bittersweet.

  4. OM said

    Scent can definitely trigger some of the most intimate memories, good and bad. I’m glad you saved the bottle, both then and now. It’s these little things that help us stay connected to our babies.


  5. Catherine said

    How lovely that you have the lotions in the girls’ memory box. As Bluebird said, I don’t think I would have thought of doing that but it is such a wonderful idea. So beautiful. So devastating.

    Smells are so strange that way. They can bring back the past so vividly. I can’t use a certain shower gel now because it reminds me of the hospital. Strange.

  6. Carly said

    Smells are what bring me back to my little guy the most out of everything. Even more than looking at his photo’s 🙂

    Enjoy your lovely girls lotion with this precious new babe.

    Love to you x

  7. Carly K. said

    Oh my gosh, so bittersweet. That was a wonderful idea to put it in the girls’ memory box. Thinking of you.

  8. Jamie said

    It is amazing what a smell can do . . .

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