Changing Focus

The other night DH posed the following to me – “Not to pressure you, but you have talked about using a Douala along with a doctor for Monkey’s birth … when do you need to talk to someone about that?”

I stared back, mouth slightly open, no answer readily available.  Because the thing is, I should have already.  At just over 25 weeks, I should have made the first phone call … probably about 10-11 weeks ago.  Unfortunately that “should have” went the way of many others – like actually beginning to purchase major baby items, really discussing what my leave will look like for work, figuring out names for this little munchkin … the list goes on and on.

And I realized something.  At some point, I have to change my focus.  I have to move from the planning stage – the stage of “one day when we have a baby” to implementing those plans.  As any babylost mama will tell you, the confidence that the new baby will arrive is never there, but I have to start planning as if the baby will indeed arrive.  Because, God willing, there will actually be a baby in our arms in about 14 1/2 weeks.  And we need to be ready for him/her.

So this week I am working on it.  It’s a strange feeling.  It feels presumptuous and puts me slightly ill at ease.  I made the first call to a local Douala … I felt like I needed to apologize for asking her so early.  We’ve tentatively decided on names.  We have started to discuss my husband’s paternity leave.  It is disconcerting, but at the same time, there is the excitement is beginning to well up inside.  This may actually happen.  Monkey may become more than kicks to my bladder, a head trying to poke through my belly button, and hiccups in the night.



  1. Oh, sweet girl, I am *so* proud of you. This is a huge realization and a big step, but one that Monkey definitely deserves for you to take.

    I think about this all the time and I’m not even pregnant! But I know that, if I am, I will be faced with certain things. How do I, in clear conscious, not plan for those things when I know they’re possibilities?!

    No, you must plan. You must prepare. You must love and get ready to welcome your sweet little Monkey into your arms 🙂 Can’t wait!

  2. OM said

    I think it’s wonderful that you’re going ahead with planning. If you read My Life After Loss, Michele has some words on this topic. If you go to my blog, you can find Michele on my list.

    I’m thinking of you. You are so strong.


  3. Erika said

    Well, right there with ya. At 37w5d, (yesterday), i made my first trip to target to pick up some baby essentials…so to me, you’re way ahead of the game! LOL! (((hugs)))

  4. Carly said

    You what you said about imaging bringing a baby home. I still can’t imagine it and I have done it!

    I am thinking of you xxxxxx

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