If You Were Born Today …

… They would fight for you.

1 1/2 years ago, I laid on an emergency room bed, tears rolling down my cheeks.  The doctor had just laid out the “plan” for Avery and Sophie’s birth … no ultrasounds, no dopplers, just the cold hard facts that our babies would be born, and that they would die.

One of the hardest parts was that nobody acknowledged their “aliveness” (pardon the non-word) … we didn’t get to see them moving in my belly one last time, hear them one last time, there was no rush to help them.  In fact, our second little babe was actually born onto the table because everyone had momentarily left.

In the months after, in the quiet moments of the night I would hear the whisper “No one fought for you”.  And the tears would come again.

So today feels monumental for me.  As I awoke to 24-week-old Monkey playing drums on my bladder I whispered a congratulations to her/him.  Today, they would fight for you my love.



  1. Sally said

    What a great milestone to reach. Wishing you two many more uneventful weeks ahead.

  2. OM said

    Oh, goodness. My heart just sinks thinking about your pain and heartache from losing Avery and Sophie. The lump in my throat just won’t subside. Please know I’m thinking about you and praying for you.

    And, I’m happy Monkey is doing well. 🙂


  3. Bluebird said

    Crying over here. . . happy tears. Sad tears. Just tears. Tears for you . . .

    And tears for me, too. I remember a similar scenario. The doctor was talking about some of the drugs they were going to give me. My mom tried to ask about the babies, about how it would affect them. The dr. danced around it, but basically said – it doesn’t matter. We’re not going to monitor them, so we don’t know. . . we’re not going to fight for them. Heartbreaking.

    I’m glad they’d fight for Monkey now.

  4. Carly K. said

    Oh my gosh, my heart breaks for you and your girls…

    So happy that you are 24 wks, that is awesome! Keep it up Monkey!!!!

  5. Donna said

    I don’t have the right words to express what I am feeling after reading your post… My daughter was 2 days away from 24 weeks when she was born. They did no monitoring for her either.

    24 weeks is amazing! Keep on going Monkey!

  6. Jamie said

    I am so sorry – thinking of you being in that place with your girls grips my heart.

    Keep growing, Monkey! And playing drums!

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