That Woman

Today I realized something … something that shocked me.  It somehow snuck up on me without me knowing.  I have become THAT woman. 

Running errands this morning, I was hurrying down our main street.  It was warm, and I was happily in capris and a t-shirt (among the first days like this of the year here!).  As I turned to go into the drug store, a woman a few steps back caught my eye.  The first thing I noticed was the look of pain in her eyes.  It took a moment to realize that it was because of me.  The second thing I noticed was the tattoo of two precious little footprints on her arm.

I wanted to walk over and give her a big hug, tell her that I “got” it, and apologize for any pain me and my belly had caused.  But I didn’t.  (a) She probably would have been frightened and called the police or (b) my belly would have blocked out any words I tried to say.  But I wished none-the-less.  I wished I could do something to lessen the pain.

As I walked away I found myself amazed.  To me, I am still a woman healing slowly from immeasurable pain, one who will always maintain the scars of babyloss.  From my perspective this pregnancy is still fraught with anxiety and fear – along with all the wonder, joy, and excitement.  But to everyone else, I have become her … THAT woman.  A healthy looking, belly toting, mom-to-be. 

And although it brought me joy to think that Monkey just might be the fulfillment of what everyone expects to happen, it also made me want to make a sign and hang it around my neck.  One that says, “I’m sorry” … because I understand.  I know what a pregnant belly can do, the pain it can trigger, the tears it brings to the surface. 

But I know that all I can do is enjoy this pregnancy, treasure each moment, and not take for granted what we have been gifted with.

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2 Comments »

  1. caitsmom said

    ((((hugs))) It was healing for me to read this. Thank you.

  2. OM said

    Thank you for sharing that. Perhaps we will each be reminded that we don’t know ‘that woman’s’ story. ‘That woman’ just might be one of us, like you.

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