Living in the Moment

Thank you for all your encouraging comments and thoughtful advice.

With a break from “normal”  life this past week, I have had the chance to do a lot of thinking about this pregnancy, Monkey, and the future.  Yes, a lot of my fears and anxieties stem from past experience.  It is hard to hope when to date, we have not experienced a successful pregnancy.

But I realized something else as well.  Part of me is holding back, not allowing the rest of me to get excited and hope.  Why?  Because I am desperately trying to protect myself from the “what ifs”. 

And while away, I decided to let myself go.  You know why?  Because it won’t matter.  If we lose Monkey, I will still be devastated.  The only difference will be that if I haven’t let myself hope, I will also experience guilt at not letting myself love Monkey to the fullest.

So, as of today, I am working to live in the moment.  At this moment Monkey is alive and healthy.  Therefore, I will celebrate, and I will work at expecting that all will be well.  Because right now it is.  We will see how it goes, but today the positive outlook seems to be working well 🙂

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5 Comments »

  1. OM said

    It can be hard to remember that having a positive outlook never causes pain. Pain and loss can come, whether we’re previously happy or sad. We seem to want to brace ourselves for loss by keeping happiness at bay. But, I think that just leads to bitterness and depression. As hard as it is, I like your positive approach. Much better.
    Peace.

  2. tntstanifer said

    EXACTLY!!! I’m so happy to see you enjoying this pregnancy more now. ALL babies are blessings!! Even our “angels”……..
    God Bless!
    T

  3. Michelle said

    Sometimes it’s hard to stay positive, to have that hope again. I’m glad you are finding a way to be there right now. If something happens, there is plenty of time for sadness, but right now your little Monkey is alive and well. That’s reason to celebrate.

  4. Brenna said

    I’m so glad! I tell myself this daily–and sometimes, I can actually do it. 🙂 I’m thrilled that you’re feeling more able to celebrate your Monkey. Carry on!

  5. mkwewer said

    Good for you! I know it’s hard but today, in this moment, you are pregnant and you need to know that happiness…

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