A Break and A Maternity Store

I am still here … I promise.  DH and I are just taking a much needed mini-vacation to see friends and family in our home town, where there is green grass!  As much as I don’t mind winter, seeing grass again is quite lovely.  That said, posts will continue to be sparse until we return at the end of the week.

While here though, I determined to visit the local maternity clothes store.  With no options in our small town, a definitely belly, and a positive ultrasound, I decided it was time to brave the stores and actually pick up a couple of things. 

As much as I needed to do it, it felt like a bad idea.  I remember the first time I walked in with the twins.  I was so excited to be legitimately in the store.  This time I slinked in with my mom, desperately avoiding eye contact with the salesladies … hoping they wouldn’t ask any questions.  Anything distinctively “pregnancy” looking was out, I couldn’t even try those on.  Finally, with a couple needed items in hand I got to the til.

Even there, memories hounded me.  Instead of happily filling out anything and everything, I carefully scrutinized – to make sure I won’t end up on any lists.  I still get pieces in the mail to this day – advertising diapers for early walkers, toys for my toddlers, etc.  Not going to do that again.  And the box, the dreaded box.  “Is this your first pregnancy” … Quickly choosing No, I closed the paper up and walked away before anyone could see it.

I left feeling a bit defeated.  But as I put on my new pair of pants the next day, I reminded myself that it wasn’t true.  Monkey is still here – the clothes are needed.  My pregnancy, despite all my fears, continues on.  Hope is really truly starting to creep in.  September is starting to feel a bit more like a month worth looking forward to.

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5 Comments »

  1. Oh, what a mixed bag! On one had, how exciting that Monkey is safe and sound and that maternity clothes are needed 🙂 On the other hand, I’m sure it was overwhelming to go shopping. I felt like a fraud the first time around, I can’t imagine if I have to shop again! I’m sure you’ve thought of this, but I would recommend online shopping – I totally maxed out my cc’s buying one of everything in every size, and sent 99% of it back! (as was the plan), but at least it kept me out of store 🙂

  2. mkwewer said

    I realize that this is difficult to do but I hope you can be in the moment with this pregnancy. It was terribly difficult for me to do that with the pregnancy in December but for the 2 weeks I was pregnant, I was ecstatic. You have to push down the fear and the anxiety and just hope. Today, for me, is hard but I am determined to push down the sadness and anger and hope that this time next year, I will have a baby or be pregnant. It’s got to be about looking forward for us – don’t forget your babies but look to the one you have now and try and be in this moment.

    And when you figure out how to do that, let me know. 🙂

  3. Brenna said

    Those damned lists! You’re smart to protect yourself from them–I’m still getting samples of formula in the mail, five months after we lost the boys. I’m glad you braved the maternity store though, and hope that you can allow your heart to rejoice in between those moments of understandable trepidation. I’m so happy to hear that Monkey is thriving!

  4. jan said

    Live in the moment if you can. For now the baby is with you. I am praying for you regularly.

  5. Carly said

    My love to you sweet Heather x

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