Sharing the News

I always expected that because of our losses I would want to share news of a pregnancy earlier – just to help acquire a support network in case of another loss.

That said, with the support of my online network, I am finding myself extremely hesitant to share news of our pregnancy with anyone IRL.  I have done the token family and few friend announcements, but each time I struggle with sharing the news – I honestly don’t want to yet.  Each time feels a bit like an obligation, not like the burst of excitement it was with the girls.

Sharing it makes everything feel more “real” – if I tell people about a pregnancy, then it begins to become much more concrete.  Additionally, I am finding that sharing requires a lot of explaining … and a ton of energy.  The first words out of everyone’s mouth?  “You must be thrilled”.  Yes. Yes, I am.  But it is tempered with fear, anxiety and a cautiousness that won’t quickly disappear.  I have to deal with people’s questioning looks as I don’t jump up and down with excitement.  It is so hard to explain to anyone who hasn’t experienced loss that although I would give anything to get to the end goal of a baby, I don’t yet see the connection between pregnancy and babies.  I am a veteran at the first trimester, I have done to 20 weeks … beyond that, it is just an illusive dream that others have experienced.

With each day that passes, my mix of emotions continues to grow.  Each day represents another victory – Monkey is still there and growing.  But each day brings me closer to the reality of becoming attached to this baby, of sharing the news with others, of having a pregnancy become public knowledge.  And honestly, the day is coming very soon.  With a belly that refuses to be controlled, hoodies will only work for so many more weeks.  This pregnancy isn’t like the twins, where I easily could have hid it until 15 weeks or so.  No, this will be a 12 weeker if I am lucky.

And I am at a bit of a loss of how to go from here to public knowledge … I guess I will come up with an action plan if everything goes well at next week’s appointment and ultrasound.

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5 Comments »

  1. Jamie said

    I so understand. I think we will start telling people IRL when we reach our next milstone but when that milestone gets here, I think, “Maybe at the next one.”

    So few people understand that getting a positive pregnancy test doesn’t equal baby in nine months.

  2. Brenna said

    I can imagine having a very similar reaction if we’re ever able to get pregnant again. No more shouting it from the rooftops, that’s for sure! Oh, I so hope you get to experience pregnancy to 20 weeks, and then 30 and beyond.

  3. OM said

    I can’t imagine the mixed emotions you must feel. Congratulations on your pregnancy. How about this – I (and the rest of blogland, if desired) can hold all your happiness about the pregnancy until you’re ready. Then, I’ll hand it over. That way, you’ll know that even though you have mixed emotions and fears, somewhere-out-there somebody is holding the happiness page for you. Without fear.
    I’ll keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

  4. Michelle said

    I also love the question, “Aren’t you excited?” Well, yes, but I’m also scared out of my mind! We didn’t tell anyone IRL that we didn’t have to until after the first trimester. Then we told our church because we wanted their support. I’m now almost 17 weeks and we still haven’t told ANYONE in our families yet. It has been all about coats and sweatshirts. I always think after the next milestone too, but then I want to wait for the next one…it will all be out soon enough.

    I’m glad Monkey is still hanging in there! If you figure out a great way to tell people, drop me a line… 😉

  5. Carly said

    Heather,

    I am so sorry that I haven’t been in here lately. I think you need to tell people when you feel at peace with it. I remember keeping River a secret untill it was not possible to hide her anymore. I hope you have some clarity on how to tell others

    Love to you x

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