The Small Things

It’s funny the things that cease to matter when you have lost babies.  DH and I were talking about it yesterday – all we want is a live baby at the end of it, nothing else really matters.  Things that have fallen by the wayside:

1) Sex of the child – I used to care, really care, about this.  I wanted a boy first so bad … and only one girl, regardless of the number of kids.  Somehow that all seems very irrelevant now, I don’t care, we just want an “oldest” child.  And honestly, I would do anything to have my twin baby girls back.

2) Due date – as an avid hunter, DH was adament that there be no special occassions (i.e. children born) during hunting season – from September through December.  With a September 21st due date, if Monkey makes it, he/she will be born right smack dab in the middle of it all.  And neither of us care.

3) Pregnant lady self image – I used to worry about this all the time.  What would I look like pregnant?  I talked about how I would make sure to stay in shape, and not be someone who gained an exorbitant about of weight.  At this point, if someone told me the only way to have a healthy baby was to gain 100 pounds, I would do it.  3 pregnancies in 1 1/2 years has definitely changed my body, at 7 weeks I already have a little pouch.  Two years ago, that would have bothered me … now, not really at all.

And so, here we are … crossing our fingers, praying and hoping for Monkey to make it.


1 Comment »

  1. Jamie said

    I am pregnant for the third time after two m/c. You are right – the things that used to matter don’t make any difference anymore. I just want a heartbeat now.

    Wishing you lots of good news for this pregnancy!

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