A Weekend Full of Memories

It’s strange the things that bring memories rushing back.

This weekend I was in the wedding of a good friend.  While I couldn’t put my finger on the reason, I was somewhat dreading being a part of her day – very strange considering how happy I was for her and her husband to be.

At the wedding rehearsal the reason became very obvious to me.  The last time I was in a wedding I was pregnant with the girls – 16 weeks along.  I choked back tears the entire rehearsal, trying desperately to get past memories of happily holding my tummy, wondering how I would fit into my dress the next day.  I fought the emotions the day of as the hairdresser arrived – the same one from the last wedding.  As I struggled to get comfortable in my dress, all I could think about what how much worse it had been when I was 16 weeks pregnant.

Today I sit at home in my pajamas trying to recover.  It was a weekend filled with so much happiness, but yet, it was also filled with so much pain.

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5 Comments »

  1. Sally said

    I was a bridesmaid at 14 weeks preg in Feb of last year. So happy, so, so happy. Oh how I wish I could have some of that happy back.

  2. caitsmom said

    I’m so sorry. We never know when these triggers will occur and even if we can anticipate the wave of grief will still wash over us. Sending lots of love your way.

  3. Carly said

    Jst wishing you a lovely rest. Be kind to yourself Heather. I am sorry that you can’t enjoy happiness without injuring pain.

    Sending you love

    Carly x

  4. Kristi said

    Praying that God continues to comfort you and carry you through these difficult moments.

    (((HUGS)))

  5. She said

    Ouch. Such a normal reaction to something that really conjured up a memory for you. Be gentle with yourself and just know that there are a lot of people who know what that feels like. It doesn’t mean you’re less happy for your friend, so please don’t feel guilty.

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