Losing My Experiences

One of the most frustrating things about losing both our pregnancies it the loss of the experience. 

Last night we were out with friends – one of whom has two kids, while the other (a new acquaintance) is newly pregnant – 8 weeks along.  She was asking questions about pregnancy, specifically ones about morning sickness – when it can kick in, when it disappears, etc. 

I had lots to share, but I stayed silent.  When I ventured into the conversation it was with general “people say …” and “some people have experienced” kind of statements.  I just couldn’t expose her to my unhappy endings, not in that way. 

I felt cheated, I honestly did.  I HAVE experience with that, but I just couldn’t share.  How do you break the news to blissfully ignorant, first time pregnant woman that the story may have a nightmarish ending?

I mourn the loss of the ability to speak openly about my pregnancies in all circumstances.  I didn’t only lose babies, it seems I lost my pregnancies as well.



  1. Erika said

    Oh, yes- I feel that way, too. Having been pregnant with twins, I have a lot to share about that- but I find that I can’t because I don’t want to scare anyone…It’s really hard. I find myself sharing about my first pregnancy which resulted in a healthy baby, and then I will refer to the pregnancy with Vivian and Annemarie- then backtrack, then the person gets confused…it’s a mess.

    So, I find myself remaining silent, too- even when I could say something…but because I don’t want to be THAT person who scares the innocent pregnant person.

  2. mkwewer said

    I just smile and nod. We were blissfully ignorant once too and it was nice. I miss that.

  3. niobe said

    Exactly. I never, ever talk about my pregnancy with the twins except with other deadbaby mamas.

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