Starting Over

I stand at the starting line, examining the other participants, evaluating their strengths and weaknesses, admiring some, laughing at others. 

Some wear nothing more than the clothes on their back.  Others, like myself have large heavy backpacks we are required to take with.  I envy the freedom of those without bags.

Many excitedly chatter about the journey they are about to embark on.  Some already plan for the finish line.  A harsh chuckle escapes from between my lips.  Don’t they know the finish line may never come?  That it is elusive as it initially seems concrete?

Some are here for the first time.  They are easy to spot.  They talk amongst themselves, occasionally glancing at the “others” – of which I am a part. 

We – the “others” – stand at the line, wary of this journey. We have been here before, we know the curves this road can take.  We have seen the dark forests, the treacherous cliffs, the detours that bring you back to the start.   Although we still long for the finish, our excitement has faded. 

We turn our eyes forward, shift the weight on our backs, and wait for the signal that the journey is to begin, wondering if we will be brave enough to take the first step again.



  1. Carly said

    Dear Heather,

    I think if wanting this so much out ways the fears of what has happened in the past, you are brave enough ti take the first step…… again. I am praying for you. You write so beautifully. Thank you.

    Love Carly x

  2. Laurie Lloyd said

    Hi Heather,

    I hope you don’t mind a stranger coming here to comment but I just read your comment on “miracle twins” loss and was drawn to come here and read about you. I too am the mother of identical twin boys who are 37 now. So I am drawn to twins by connection. I am so sorry for both of your losses, no words are adequate for me to offer. I want you to know that I will be praying for this “starting line” you so beautifully write about through your own experiences and encourage you to keep taking those first steps through your fears. Asking God to give you His strength to continue in hope as you continue healing from the losses. I admire your courage and pray God gives you your hearts desire.

    Love, Laurie in Ca.

  3. Leah said

    What a beautiful and sad post. I am one of the “others” who wonders if she will be brave enough. I admit that I find some comfort in numbers.

  4. patricia said

    Via la Creme…

    A beautiful post, and so appropriate. Sometimes I get so used to lugging this pack that I forget it’s there and can barely remember when it wasn’t.

    Thanks for sharing with Creme.

  5. Lovely post.
    I have been trying very hard to lighten the load in my pack before the next race.
    Although one thing to remember is that lugging around that weight makes us stronger than the rest.

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