Exactly one year ago, this was me (on the left) … exhausted, sore, but absolutely thrilled.  I was blissfully unaware that three weeks later my world would be shattered.

As the one year anniversary of losing our girls approaches, I find myself lost in reflection – of what could have been … should have been …. would have been.  My arms ache with their emptiness, our house echoes with only two of us here. 

And I feel very alone.  Around the time we lost the girls, three acquaintences also experienced loss – two to stillbirth and one to a second miscarriage.  Two now hold babies, the other is 22 weeks pregnant.  And I am still here, no closer to holding a baby then immediately after we lost the girls.

I find myself discouraged … I feel like I should be better by now.  But instead, I find the longing for a baby more intense then it has been in almost a year.  I don’t anticipate it is going to get any easier before November 12th either.


1 Comment »

  1. Carly said

    This photo just crushes me Heather.

    I’m so sorry. I wish I could say something to make you feel better. I am praying for you

    Love Carly

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