“Not Real”

Still waiting to hear on our D&C date right now, the wonders of a small town … should be in the next couple days, but they have to track down the anesthesiologist first.  Essentially I am on call, waiting for the phone call.  Not fun.

Had another ultrasound yesterday just to make sure.  After meeting with the doctor she explained that it was actually a blighted ovum.  In her attempt to make us feel better, she explained that meant the pregnancy was “not real”.  I understand what she was trying to do, but I am not sure how it makes me feel.  On one hand, relief … there is no baby to grieve.  But on the other, I am still feeling such extreme loss – there was still a pregnancy of sorts, everything but the baby, and for 5 weeks we believed in Bug and the hope of a baby.  To hear that Bug was just a sac is a relief and hard all at the same time.

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6 Comments »

  1. noswimmers said

    Oh sweetie…I’m so sorry. This news doesn’t make it any “less” of a loss. Your hopes and dreams are still what they were before today. It was your Bug, blighted ovum or not.
    I am so sorry.
    Thinking of you,
    Mandy

  2. Mel said

    I’m so sorry. Stopping-by from L & F to let you know that you’re not alone and tell you that I’m sorry your MD tried to minimize this loss. May you find peace in your friends and family…my thoughts and prayers are with you. *hugs*

  3. samcy said

    Here from L&F, I am so sorry to hear of your loss. Your Bug was real and he/she needs to be grieved.

    Thinking of you.
    xxx

  4. shinejil said

    I think a future that never comes to be and thrive is just as difficult a loss to bear as the loss of a physical being.

    Sending much love your way and warm internet hugs.

  5. Cara said

    Wow – for someone in her business to say that is …just…not ok. I have long thought that in addition to all the “important” classes future doctors have to take to make sure the save lives (and potentially hearts), and not injur them…they should also be REQUIRED to take Bedside Manner 101 consisting of only guest speakers sharing their stories and first hand experiences with pregnancy loss, stillbirth, cancer, inaccurate diagnoses, and a host of other topics that are never broached!!

    Wow – Sorry to rant on my ever present soapbox, but that really threw me. For YOU – I send you the biggest hugs and an affirmation that your loss IS REAL.

    So sorry!!!

  6. KB said

    That sounds hard and confusing. I will be thinking about you.

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