Managing Fear

I thought I was doing well.  When the few people who know about Bug have asked, I have confidently told them that I am doing well.  Mostly ignoring the little life inside of me to protect myself, but managing fear well.

I was wrong, so wrong.  I didn’t realize it until the weekend.  DH and I were out for a run/rollerblade (he runs, I blade … my running is non-existent) and I fell.  Not bad, just enough to bruise my tailbone and my pride.

But I lost it, completely and totally.  Everything I had been pushing down inside bubbled up and made it’s way out in a torrent of tears, snot, and heaving sobs.  It was ugly.  Poor husband, he just sat there patting my back, trying to avoid the stares of everyone passing us on the trail.

Not until afterwards, much later in the evening in fact, could I explain what happened.  All the stress, anxiety, and fear over Bug have been rolling inside of me, where I try not to acknowledge them or let them come out. 

Only 32 weeks left.  Grow Bug Grow.

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1 Comment »

  1. Carly said

    I hope this doesn’t upset you when you read this but I think it was good for you to have that big ugly moment. . . I’m sure it didn’t look as ugly as what you think. Your husband sounds very caring. I’m crying. Thinking of the position that you are in reminds me when I was pregnant with River. The waiting. . . horrible.

    I don’t know where you are spiritually, whether you believe in God or not, but something I found that helped me was that I prayed heaps when River was in my womb. I didn’t pray for a healthy live baby, but I thanked God for blessing me with a healthy live baby (even though I didn’t really know if she was or not) The reason why I did this was because I stumbled across a quote by Martin Luther King Jr and it spoke to my heart.

    “Faith gives us the courage to face the uncertainties of the future”

    I think it is good to let all your feelings out. The fear is intense isn’t it. 32 weeks seems so far away I bet. I am praying for Bug! and you too. Sending you all my love 🙂

    Love Carly x

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