The Box is Too Small

I hate the forms.  The ones at the doctor’s office, the “medical history” ones.  I used to fly through them, I don’t anymore.

The pregnancy loss section got me this week.  “Abortion”, “Miscarriage”, “Stillbirth”.  Those were my three options.  Horrified as tears started to fill my eyes, I stared at the box I knew I should check.  Miscarriage.  It seemed too small.  It can’t capture the devastating loss of our girls at 19.5 weeks.  It doesn’t explain the perfect babies we held in our arms.  It is to clinical for the months of pain that followed.

I know they don’t care, they just need a term.  But I couldn’t do it, the box was too small.  I finally settled for a small sentence crammed between the boxes “lost twins at 19.5 weeks due to TTTS”.

It shouldn’t be this hard.

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3 Comments »

  1. Carly said

    It makes me sad to see any woman have to “tick a box” I am so sorry that you had to go through that. I remember telling a doctor my experience and he said ” oh so he wasn’t full term?” Like it didn’t matter because he wasn’t 40 weeks. So many blows isn’t there.

    I really would love to do something for your daughters 🙂 with your permission of course. I have a new Blog site http://www.namesinthesand.blogspot.com maybe when you have some spare time you could have a look at it and let me know what you think. It would be an honor if I could do this for you 🙂

    I hope you are feeling better:)

    Many hugs to you

    Love Carly x

  2. Heather said

    Gosh, it’s so much more than just a box, isn’t it.

    I had a similar experience at the doctor. It’s so much more than what’s on the chart.

    Thinking about you,
    Heather

  3. noswimmers said

    Oh God hun…I’m so sorry. I’m just reading through some of your older posts…I lost my twin girls in June at 19.5 weeks due to TTTS. I’ve thought about checking those boxes (I haven’t had to do it yet)…and m/c just doesn’t encompass all of the feelings.
    I’m so sorry.

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