Baby Steps Forward

Time Heals … sort of.

You hear that time heals pain.  While I know that the pain I carry from losing Avery and Sophie will never completely disappear, I have been slowly watching time at least numb some of the rawness associated with it. 

That said, certain things still trigger me and bring me back to all the extreme grief of November.  Because of that, I still find myself hesistant when I have to go out in public – uncontrollable situations still make me nervous. 

One such trigger is identical twins, really any age will do, although infants are especially bad … all I can think about are the girls.  Honestly, if I see a double stroller or two car seats I just walk the other way.

Today I met my husband for lunch.  As I walked through the door, double car seats sat on the table closet to the “Place Order Here” sign.  I couldn’t get away from them and as I walked over, I realized they were infant twins.

I waited for the inevitable … but it didn’t come.  While I felt a wave of sadness the intense pain didn’t hit, the tears didn’t flow and to my surprise, part of me wanted to ask about their names and age. 

I walked out of the restaurant a little shocked but relieved.  Time does heal … and with it, I keep taking baby steps forward.  And yet, I couldn’t help but feel melancholy as well.  Time is passing, and with it, the vividness of the short life of my precious little ones begins to fade.

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