Recontructing Me

After losing our girls, my world fell apart.  Everything I thought was me lay shattered  in pieces … I didn’t know how I would ever put myself back together again.

As the months have passed, and I have slowly begun the process of healing, I have recognized something critically important.  Those pieces will never go back the same way they were before.  Some of them I no longer want or need, some have lost their value, and strangely enough, there are new odd shaped pieces that have appeared, demanding to be a part of the final product.

As obvious as it should have been, it is only in the last month that I have realized grief will never go away, loss will always be a part of me.  I can’t just wait for it to disappear so I can go back to being the old me – it won’t work.  Pardon the awkwardness of the sentence, but “me” is now different.

And so, I am on a journey of rebuilding myself, picking up the pieces – some of my choosing, some not – and discovering who I now am, who I now will be.

 

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1 Comment »

  1. Heather said

    I found you at Glow in the Woods. I am so, so sorry for the loss of your girls. I love the names you chose for them.

    I identify with this post so much; I’m not as far into my grief process as you are but I’m trying to find the new “me” as well. It hurts so much. There are new aspects to my personality that are emerging everyday. Some emulate a peace, others (more frequently) I hate. But they’re all there, and when people tell me I’m more like the “old” me lately, it almost feels like an insult.

    I just started blogging my grief recently as well, and I hope you keep writing. It seems to help.

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