Finding a Place

November 12, 2007 … the date my world came crashing down.  After waiting 4 years to get pregnant, my husband and I were devastated when we lost our identical twin girls – Avery and Sophie – at 20 weeks due to twin to twin transfusion.

Ever since, I have been trying to pick “me” up from the broken pieces, trying to rediscover who I am, trying to find a way to move on.

Although I have another blog, I have finally realized it is not the safe place I need it to be.  My friends and family simply don’t understand.  I have come looking for a safe place, a place to chronicle my journey, a place of anonymity but also of community, I have come to find a place for me.

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2 Comments »

  1. Just clicking around a bit after you linked to us at glow in the woods… another TTTS mama here, and I’m so sorry for the loss of your girls. Such a cruel sniper, so heartbreaking.

    I’m so glad for you that you have this unknown corner to just ‘be’…. how very smart of you. I’ve been lusting for the same lately… there’s so much that just can’t be said, no matter how artful or diplomatically I try to put it. So good for you, and blessings as you try again.

    One more thought… I know you know this already, but I’ll need someone to remind me of it too, if I ever try again – identical twins are a random surprise of nature, unbidden by heredity – and of that tiny population, TTTS is a random event. Once you get pregnant, you’ll moving forward towards parenthood with as much chance of having a completely ordinary birth and baby as anyone else. On that count I feel fortunate, as there are so many other mamas I’ve come across who face incompetant cervixes and faulty genetics… I’m just glad that’s one less thing to worry about the next time around.

    Just said to try and give you a hug, tell you I think you’re fantastically brave and hopeful to do this, and I know how your mind must race and fear is constant. Just… good luck and strength, everyday.

  2. niobe said

    There may be some exceptions, but, in general, I don’t think anyone who hasn’t gone through the loss of a baby or babies can truly understand. I hope you’re finding at least a little support and community online.

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