For some reason, when I think of Avery and Sophie, I never have pictured them as babies. In my mind, they have always been sturdy little toddlers – brown eyes, curly hair … running around getting into mischief. I don’t know why, but right from the start, this is the picture I have of them.
I don’t know where the time has gone, but Kai is now all of these things. Somehow in the last months, his babyhood has slipped away … he is a full-blown toddler these days. Sturdy, with brown eyes and curly hair, he is into mischief all the time.
It’s a bit bizarre that he brings to life the images I have in my head of them. It is so bittersweet. In many ways, I feel like I get to experience a little of what I lost … but it others, it brings to life exactly what all we will never have.
It just reinforces the fact that grief never disappears … it simply morphs into different forms.
dreceophus said
No, it doesn’t disappear. I drove by a local organization (Ele’s House) which is devoted to helping children through the grief of losing loved ones. The sign outside had been changed to read: “There is no expiration date on grief.” It made me think of every momma in this corner of the blogosphere. Just snuggle him enough for three sturdy toddlers.
Jamie said
I have a good friend who has a son two months younger than Skeeter and an older son that was born a week before the due date of my first. It is hard ~not~ to think of what could have been even though I enjoy ‘what it’ so very much.
Sally said
So very true. Yet I only ever see Hope as a baby. I struggle to picture her as anything else. I think because I have a large picture of her in my lounge room, and this is all I ever saw her as, I just can’t move past that image of my little newborn baby. Thinking of her as a two year old now? I come up blank nearly every time.
xo