Rebuilding Myself

Apparently stress can sneak up on you.  And because it comes on so slowly, just a little at a time, you don’t even recognize that it is there.

I have felt pretty good about this pregnancy – about the way I have been able to deal with it anyhow.  Although the fear is there, and I am constantly having to remain in the moment, I have felt like I have been dealing with it well.  You could even say that pride has been inching in a bit. 

Well, I have been very gently reminded that just because I don’t acknowledge the stress, it doesn’t mean it isn’t there.  The other day I was playing on my laptop, sitting on our couch.  Beside me is a large picture window that looks out over our backyard.  Without warning there was a large “BAM” on the window.  My heart sank immediately as I knew what it meant.  Sure enough, a little bird lay on the ground underneath the window … it died in less than a minute.

No matter what, I would find this sad.  No bird should have to die like that.  That said, my reaction was enough over the top that even I recognized it for what it was.  I began sobbing uncontrollably as I grabbed some paper towel and headed out to collect the little bird.  I briefly even considered digging a hole to bury it.  It took me quite a while to decide that I would not be doing the bird wrong by simply putting it in the garbage can.

Recounting the story to DH later, I had to chuckle a bit.  He was incredulous at my reaction – I was a bit too.  After all, it is only a bird.  A good reminder though for both of us about the stresses of our life right now.  My pride got taken down just a notch … apparently there is a bit more there than I am readily willing to admit.